As many of you know, I recently underwent surgery to correct my case of pectus excavatum.  I spent a total of 6 days in the hospital and am now recovering at home.  For those of you who are interested to see the before and after pictures, I have created links below so as to not force everyone to see them.  As a word of warning, you will have to look at my pale, out of shape, shirtless body…never a good experience.  Also, in the after pictures you will be able to see relatively small bandages on my sides that cover the stitches where they slid the 2 bars into my chest.  If you have an aversion to either of these things (and I don’t blame you) then do not click on the links below.

But for those of you who are curious, here they are (the links should now be working, thanks Brett!):

Before Right Side After Right Side

Before Left Side After Left Side

Before Front After Front

Depth Perspective

Having just popped a handful of oxycodone (prescribed, mind you) I am facing a serious dilemma. I have just finished roughly 6 consecutive hours of Olympic coverage and this late there is not much else on. But I have stumbled across two classics: The Fugitive and The Hunt for Red October.

So what do I watch? Both are classics. Harrison Ford vs. Sean Connery. The Fugitive has taken an early lead…but one bad commercial break could quickly turn the tide.

Thoughts?

A local favorite is what is affectionately called Big Butter Jesus. On the way home from the Dayton airport is a 6-story yellow-tinged Jesus bursting from the ground.

Many miracles have been attributed to our very own I-Cant-Believe-Its-Not Jesus. Due to its proximity to the freeway, most miracles involve car crashes. Believers state that the number of car wrecks on that particular stretch of road has decreased significantly since the Margerine Messiah was erected. While the stats back them up, the construction of the Oleo Lord happened to coincide with brand new freeway barriers preventing people from swerving into oncoming traffic or flying off the road. But let’s not split hairs…

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, I was able to snap a quick picture of our Sixty-foot Savior as we sped past. Enjoy!

With my new iPhone, a whole new world has been opened to me. Music, movies, the internets, games, GPS, etc. are now at my beck and call. More importantly for you folks, I can now blog directly from my iPhone! That’s right, this post is coming straight from the new Wordpress App. So I will allow everyone to post how jealous they are just once…any more than that would get tiresome.

Oh, and Ive included a MySpace-esque photo of my iPhone, taken by the iPhone itself, in a bathroom mirror. Sorry, I haven’t bought the low cut shirt and skanky mini-skirt iPhone accessories yet to give it the full MySpace effect.

“Frankly, a man who can admit to enjoying this series is more of a man than the dude who’s pushing 200 lbs at the gym.”

Now, lest we assume this is just the mad rambling of an overly hormonal teenage girl, this woman identifies herself as being in her thirties.  Really ma’am???  Im gonna go out on a limb and guess that you are single…seeing as how your ideal man is hopelessly lost in fictional novels targeted at lovestruck teenage girls.  And if you aren’t single, how did you ever pry him away from his collection of Gilmore Girls DVDs and Harlequin novels?  Were you excited when your husband appeared on Oprah carrying your baby?  Inquiring minds want to know!

I could quote many examples of equally mindless comments from devout “Twilighters” as they prefer to be called, but I’m not quite willing to destroy your faith in humanity quite yet.

At my condo complex (the one with the modeling agency on the main floor) each Unit has either a covered parking spot or a garage parking spot. We happen to have a covered parking spot…the worst one in fact. It is the only one with support beams on both sides of the space, making parking on par with destroying the Death Star by hitting a thermal exhaust port only 3 meters wide. So imagine my shock when I go to pull my car in, and some yahoo has chained his bike to the beam on MY SIDE. While it was still possible to park, it was impossible to open the door wide enough to get out of my car. The easiest solution was to simply get out of my car and swivel the bike around the beam so it now rested on the bike owners side of the pole.

The next day, I come home to again find the bike on my side! Again, I move it to his side. For 3 consecutive days this happened, until Friday I launched my passive aggressive assault. This time, I positioned the bike in such a way that it blocked his parking space requiring him to get out of his car to move the bike in order to park. The gall of this guy to take up my precious parking space to try to store his bike!! If this continues to happen, my passive aggressive strategy will continue in 3 phases.

PHASE 1 - A Note

“Dear Sir, I congratulate you for your concern for the environment and your own well being, as evidenced by your desire to ride a bicycle. Please make sure when parking said bicycle, it remains on the proper side (your side) of this beam.

My deepest thanks”

PHASE 2 - Tire flattening

Again, passive aggressive is the key so no real damage.  Simply drop a pebble in the cap of the air nozzle, tighten, and WHOOSH…no more air in tires.

PHASE 3 - Chain and padlock

Using my own chain and padlock, I will lock the bicycle to the pole in a way where it will be impossible for the offender to move the bike to my side (or to move his bike at all).

Wish me luck!